Is having it all possible or even desirable?

Some time ago I read an article about career women "having it all".  Indra Nooyi, chief executive of PepsiCola, was interviewed on stage at the Aspen Idea Festival and she related what happened on the day her appointment as chief executive was announced.  She was overwhelmed (who wouldn't be!) and decided that instead of working until midnight (clue to being appointed here perhaps??) she hurried home to tell her family.  When she arrived she didn't get a chance to tell her news immediately because her mother asked her to go out and get some milk as there was none left with the remark "your news can wait".  This throws up a lot of questions (why had no one thought to stock up on the milk?  couldn't someone else have got it?) but it illustrates a point or at least the point that she was making "I might be chief executive in the office but I'm mom at home." Does that mean she doesn't really have it all?  How do you define "having it all"?

The average working mother knows that when she comes home there will be a dozen different things calling for her attention.  She will have to cook the evening meal, touch base with the kids on homework/school, most likely put a load of washing into the machine, maybe iron a few shirts/blouses for the morning.  And she has to keep juggling dentist's appointments, sports days, shopping, birthday presents and birthday celebrations with all the other things on her agenda.  Even if she has a child minder or a cleaning lady she still has to organize things around this.  The kids get sick and she works from home if she can or has to work round the problem. Men, on the other hand, take out the rubbish and do all the DIY jobs around the place, maybe a bit of gardening too but do not put in as much time on these chores as women and are not responsible for the overall running of the household.
I know, I know - there are exceptions to this where the man of the house shares in all of it and is a tower of strength, it's just that I never met such a paragon.

Mumsnet http://www.mumsnet.com, the largest UK website for parents and a terrific place to visit as it has just about everything, recently surveyed 1000 working mothers.  The survey showed that women spend 10 hours a week on housework and men spend 5 hours.  A separate survey by the BBC's Radio Four Woman's Hour ( http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes and look under the letter "W")  presents more or less the same picture.  The programme is launching an online "chore wars" calculator intended to enable couples to settle who does most around the house. I am inclined to think that if you have to start checking off on a calculator what each partner does, then you don't actually have a partnership.

So that's it.  You might have it all at work but when you come home it's all gone.  Or you might decide that having it all isn't what you are about and take on a less demanding job.  This has to be decided on an individual basis.  Currently, women are the ones who give birth and by virtue of that fact they automatically become "homemakers".  This is an honorable profession - and profession it is, to be ranked right up there with running a company.  So you can have it all once you have defined what "all" really means.  The main thing is you feel comfortable with your chosen role whether that is full time mom, career woman who is also mom, or more mom than career.  It's your decision and you don't need to explain it to anyone.

Working while you sleep

I guess a lot of us read about that remarkable woman who does the housework while she's asleep.  Sleep working instead of sleep walking.  Interesting.  If she could figure out why and how she started doing this, she'd be on every talk show in the entire universe.  She could set up her own business and give seminars and lectures on "how to clean without knowing it" although I expect she'd come up with a snappier title than that.  And she could get in a cleaner to do the rough work although that might defeat the object.

But what about the millions of women who go out to work every day and come home to a routine of cooking, cleaning, ironing?  Not to mention helping with homework and sorting various little problems their children might have.  Oh and finding time to organise visits to grandmothers and buying presents for birthdays and newborns and having the neighbours in for a drink. These ladies only get a passing mention. Everyone knows they are there and the hard work they do but it's not something people want to see on talk shows.  'So how do you manage to get to the dry cleaners before they close, Mrs. Smith?'  'What's your quickest time for making supper and galloping off to a PTA meeting at your son's school, Mrs. Brown?'  I can't imagine a talk show host leaning closer to catch every word that Mrs. Smith or Mrs. Brown has to say on the subject.  And I bet the Mrs. Smiths and Browns of this world have plenty to say.

Now if a man were to do all that in addition to holding down a demanding job, he'd be cried up as the 'caring dad' always there for his children.  I'm not saying that modern fathers don't help with the children and the housework.  What I am saying that it is in most cases the woman who runs the household. And she gets very little credit for doing it.  Now if she got her elbows out, rolled up her sleeves and climbed the scary heights of the corporate ladder she'd get all the attention in the world.  Deservedly so.  It's good to see women in top jobs.  But who cheers for the 'ordinary' working mother as she juggles her workload with more skill than some top (male) executives can demonstrate?